| An Update |
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| 09:54am 04/09/2005 |
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Yesterday i was sitting in my living room, Theresa had just left to go get ready for work. I got up to go get something in my room, and i noticed she was coming back. She came in the door and sat down on one of the chairs and started crying real hard. I read what she handed me, i read it out loud like this "Yep you guessed it, we got....married!" the dot dot dot was my doing a pause and then freaking out. i sat at her feet as she cried. Fuck, was all i could think of. She is his daughter, his baby and they fucking eloped and didn't tell anyone! A lot of drama progressed as the day went on, but i think she is ok now. i'll let her sleep. I love you Theresa. |
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| 10:44pm 11/05/2005 |
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mood:  FUCKED UP!!
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I hate that i loved you, i hate that i loved all of you. you were so beautiful and im sorry. forgive me. |
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| Love me harder |
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| 12:15am 16/04/2005 |
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mood:  devious
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Hip on hip we ride.
Skin to skin we slide.
experience and knowledge applied.
movements so sound i cried.
piece in piece, side by side,
Body with body, divide. |
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| 04:31pm 08/04/2005 |
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mood: FUCKED UP!
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What have i done. god forgive me. |
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| Tears of Bacardi |
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| 08:00pm 06/04/2005 |
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mood:  nauseated
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Men come and go so quickly, like the wind they may russel through my hair, but the breeze never stays does it? i am single once again, but i still cant find satisfaction or comfort in my words. i curse myself. |
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| 11:13am 30/03/2005 |
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mood:  calm
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Max wrote this on the spot. I like it a lot.
I bring my brain more pain, burning myself insane, but one thing i can see, there's a big world out there, people i need to see, some who deserve me more then others, still question love, seems like i don't have a heart, to give away, no its just i never have before, so much one human should succed in one life, maybe its just there's so much, way too much, sound like hippie when i say it just blow my mind, but i know that there's honey sweeter than wine |
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| 05:10pm 25/03/2005 |
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mood:  excited music: scotties boys
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I have a new child, and her name is Galadriel. She is my new laptop and i am sitting at scottie mcbean listening to georgous men sing and play. i guess my dad just got tired of having to fix my computer. well im out for now. ^_^ |
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| The ongoing list.. |
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| 01:29pm 10/03/2005 |
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mood:  hungry
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Things that will make me a better person:
-Drink less
-Smoke more
-Read a book about Napoleon
-Paint for only myself
-Laugh more
-Kiss in the heat, love in the cold
-Dance in the park of roses when the moon in full
-Falling in love with you
-Prove femanism wrong
-Prove that god is right
-Dance in my underwear to Frank Senatra
-Learn to like grapefruit
-Never cry because im sad
-Never care that people might not like what i look like
-Never judge someone
-Look good in purple
-To stop making big mistakes. |
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| 10:54am 07/03/2005 |
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mood:  numb music: *click click*
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Last night i could not sleep, my face was wet and cold, tears were drying to my cheeks and creating new streamy paths. I whimpered and screamed but i didnt make any noises, which is worse as it breaks any emotional stability that you have. i curled up and fell on my side. I dont know what triggered it, but thoughts that had been in the back of my mind felt more real the harder i cried. I still think that i should get myself pregnant so that i will not have to be alone anymore, and having a baby would be easier, someone to cling to me, someone to live for. I just wish this was easier, i know im crazy enough to do it, but i dont know if i have the energy to take care of someone when i cant take care of myself. i just dont feel safe right now, and i wish i could. i want to be cradled, but its not going to be happen. and that hurts. |
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| Dream sweet |
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| 01:01pm 04/03/2005 |
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mood:  loved music: In the waiting line- Zero 7
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I like your company, i like who i am around you, i like that you make me feel safe when i stand next to you, i like that when im alone im smiling, something that you told me is that you are trying to find out who you are, and i know that when you find him, you will make some girl very happy, dont change. Thank you for last night, i have not looked forward to something so much in a very long time. it would make me happy if we could do it again. |
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| 08:11am 02/03/2005 |
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mood: happy music: such great heights - iron & wine
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The thought of you makes my heart feel heavy, im grinning but no one can tell unless they look in my eyes i feel like laughing, only if you hold me in your arms and stroke my back. Nothing right now matters, just the thought of you and me, this song, as long as it plays over and over, and while it plays i think of you, as long as i can keep this, i think i will be ok, let me keep this. right now i feel like im dreaming i just cant stop playing this song, and like a lullaby its puting me to sleep, it feels so good right now that i dont want to wake up. let me keep you and dont forget to keep me. i just want the feeling of you, holding me as tight but yet as softly as you can. Do me a favor, turn on this song and lay down, close your eyes, listen to the sound not so much the words, and think of me. dream sweet beautiful child. (such great heights by iron & wine, listen and do what i wrote) i told you i never forget. |
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| To no one |
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| 01:05pm 28/02/2005 |
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mood:  curious
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Were i to re-align the stars,
I would place the constalations in your favor,
if its light darkens any part of you i will cast it from the skies,
and you will shine brighter than any of the stars in heaven.
Cast me not away sweet child,
for with you i am made whole.
Laugh and my heart soars,
cry and my sould weeps.
why would you have doubt in your life,
when i would give you my world.
You would shame the very stars dear love,
if only you were to let it be so. |
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| Dont dream |
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| 10:12pm 27/02/2005 |
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mood:  worried
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If you have ever had a person try to mentally and verbally hurt you, you know that if they know what can really effect you, and get inside your head, they will use it to do what damage they can. If you ever could see what your pain was in an almost pictographic imagery, then you know my pain. To dream of what you fear and what hurts you is to never be able to forget the things you want to. It is a constant and tragic reminder of what used to be and in many cases what consists to be. In my dreams i can see all of what i hate, love, fear, and hope for. demonic dreams could be considered a curse, but what am i to do about being cursed. All i have left is the people i love and my god, why do i still feel cold at night? |
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| North Carolina |
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| 05:47pm 05/08/2004 |
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mood:  gloomy
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The 6-13th i will be in North Carolina with Cara, if you need me you can leave me a message here and ill check it when i get back, in fact i think you should leave me a message, just so that i can feel special about someone thinking about me ^_^ ill have my cell phone with me, so if you want to talk to me you can call 565-0862 but i think you have to do the area code first, not sure though. im going to miss all of you very much, a part of me doesnt want to go, cause i dont like being away from my home and my friends, but i know that when i get back i will have made my friendship with cara alot better. Those of you who know and like my family, you can stop by and say hey because they like when my friends realize that they are not just people who exist. anyway, im pretty down cause i dont like leaving, but leave me a message or call me, and i will talk to all of you on the 13th.. i hope it goes faster than im thinking. i love all of you. ~muah!~ |
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| 02:31pm 04/08/2004 |
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mood:  amused
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| ~cries~ |
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| 03:22pm 02/08/2004 |
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mood: numb
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singlemetropolis: boo!
rowboat speed: holy wow
singlemetropolis: hey what are you doing today?
rowboat speed: hangin' out with my pal alex
rowboat speed: then, after that, i don't know
singlemetropolis: sweet
singlemetropolis: after that you should hang out with me cause im sweet
singlemetropolis: ;-)
singlemetropolis: and ill talk dirty to you ^_^
rowboat speed: excellent
singlemetropolis: hahaha
rowboat speed: only if you talk dirty to me
singlemetropolis: oh i will, but i can only talk dirty to you if you kiss me
rowboat speed: oh snap
singlemetropolis: but if you kiss me, i think we would have to make out
rowboat speed: sheesh
singlemetropolis: but i dont have a problem with that, do you?
rowboat speed: not that i know of
singlemetropolis: sweet
singlemetropolis: well im down
singlemetropolis: so if we were alone i would take your shirt off and throw it somewhere random and i would make soft kisses up your body and kiss you rough as i grind my hips to yours?
rowboat speed: you would?
singlemetropolis: fuck yeah!
singlemetropolis: bwahaha
rowboat speed: ahhh
singlemetropolis: ::dance::
singlemetropolis: i would whisper 21s5w
singlemetropolis: 3
singlemetropolis: sorry
singlemetropolis: i whisper sweet nothings into you ear
singlemetropolis: ::sweet nothings::
singlemetropolis: ill stop
rowboat speed: haha
rowboat speed: no
rowboat speed: you're fun
singlemetropolis: well id be more fun if i didnt act so shy around you
singlemetropolis: cause im just a tad wild when it gets down to it
rowboat speed: word up
singlemetropolis: you would most likely act weird if i tried anything would you?
rowboat speed: is that i question?
singlemetropolis: i dont know
singlemetropolis: but sense im being blunt today and i could never tell you this, you have no idea how much i fucking liked you, i thought about you alot and couldnt tell you because for once i thought it might work out if i wasnt forward
singlemetropolis: debbie knew, she told me to tell you but i couldnt
rowboat speed: ah
singlemetropolis: and
singlemetropolis: im
singlemetropolis: rea
singlemetropolis: lly
singlemetropolis: really done being blunt now
rowboat speed: ok
singlemetropolis: i feel stupid
singlemetropolis: now
rowboat speed: you shouldn't feel stupid
rowboat speed: no reason to feel stupid
singlemetropolis: yeah but im glad i told you, i did it because it didnt think it mattered anymore, cause i know you dont feel that way, am i right?
rowboat speed: yeah, you're right
singlemetropolis: k, just making sure |
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| 11:57pm 30/07/2004 |
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mood:  embarrassed
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Ok so i made out with someone tonight, and im not going to say who... god am i not..anyway, i made out with this person so that someone would buy them a pack of smokes, and let me tell you, this was the weirdest experience of my entire life.. good god, but i.its ok.. ill get over it. i just hope they are not weirded out by it when im pretty much ok with it. wow, if you read this, im sorry. |
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| 04:47pm 27/07/2004 |
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mood:  blank
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